Essay on Love. How to Distinguish True Love?


essay on love

Essays about love. How to write? Where to order?

What is true love? There are a lot of talks about what is true love and what is not. In this context, it is not surprising that essays on love are the ones that are commonly asked by our customers. The essay paper editing service can perform all kinds of writing papers for you. The proficient English writing site meets all the customers’ needs and thoroughly follow each and every letter in the instruction of the order.
True love is usually considered to be the mature one, that is healthy in the full sense of the word. So, it cannot cause destructive actions to those who love. Such love gives only joy and the incentive to develop. Let us try to answer two questions. The first one is how to distinguish the true love. What does a person usually feel, what kind of reactions does he/she have in this state? And the second question is, maybe, even more difficult: how can we describe this feeling? How to write the true love essay?

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Many people guess that for having the mature love, the participants must be mature themselves. That is to get joy from taking the responsibility. If a person experiences joy only from a frivolous existence and does not aspire to development, this is not about the mature love at all. The short essay about love cannot reveal the full depth of this concept, but the best essay writing company rates show the most reliable company you may choose to be sure of the best result.
All people understand what is mature love, but the very mechanism of transforming immature feelings into mature, unreal love into the real one is not clear enough. If you are working on this topic, you may need to make the essay sound smarter. It is easy to do with the professional help of the research paper writers.

Psychoanalysis describes the psychoenergetic of love in the best way.
Initially, love has a narcissistic nature. The very first, childish love is narcissistic. The consciousness can love only one person at this time and this person is me. It is me, to whom I want to bring pleasure and benefit because it gives incontrovertible sensations to Me. So, such love is sensually reinforced. If you give the candy to another person, there will not be the sweet taste on your tongue, if you take it to yourself you are more than able to feel the effect.

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Many people, even in their adulthood, have childish, narcissistic love. They love other people in quite an objective way like they like sweets. It means getting only their own pleasure and benefit. That is, the real subjective love they have only to themselves, they want every kind of good, power, and pleasure only for themselves. And they can love others only in the terms this will benefit them to some extent. If there is no benefit, they will not love. Nothing matter. They distinguish their pleasure only through the receptors of their own body. Seems to be quite logical.

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The first step from the narcissistic love to the mature one is the identification. The transfer of the narcissistic feelings toward another person. It is a complex psychic phenomenon and it has to do with the development of consciousness and imagination. If you need more helpful hints concerning this topic, the best custom writing service has many essays written for you. They are of different complexity and for any taste.
The primitive psyche has an underdeveloped imagination, the saying "sweet as honey" is about it. The more developed psyche is, the better pictures are in the imagination. The image of honey arises from the word "honey", and you can really sense the sweeter taste. And if you study the picture of the brain, it turns out that the receptors that react to the sweet taste are really active. Our brain reacts only to the images that the psyche draws. If there is something in reality, but we do not notice it, the brain does not respond to if in reality but if there is not something, but we think about it, our brain gives the reaction.

The imagination allows a person to see him/herself in another person’s shoe, and experience the most of the emotions relating to another person. Such an individual sees blood on the body of another person and feels fear, and even pain, as if it happens with his/her own body. The process of identification is possible only in the circle of the closest people. The principle of "mine and not mine" is built on this, a stranger is deprived of the right for sympathy and compassion if there is no identification with him/her.
This phenomenon triggers a transitional stage from childish egocentrism to mature love. This is quite a difficult topic and requires a lot of efforts to figure it out. If you are a busy person and have lots of tasks to be performed, our service is ready to help. The premium on-line essay help offers the best solutions for those who want to improve their writings. Our service writes the papers of the highest quality and we can offer our help to you as well
Freud believed that libido should normally be transferred to another person partially, and the sources of complete identification with another (passionate, all-consuming love) should be sought in the displacement of narcissistic feelings. He wrote that people who displace all their narcissism (because of neuroticism and the feelings of guilt and fear of punishment), may suffer from inverted narcissism. Such people passionately fall in love with narcissistic types, as if they envy their love for themselves and thus want to experience something that had been lost. With such a collective inversion, Freud also associates a universal love for the feline, which, according to Freud, is perfectly narcissistic. The envy of people to cat’s harmony and love for themselves is what makes people admire cats. Just imagine, how many different points of view exist. Of course, it is quite hard for a non-professional writer to cope with such a task as expressing the personal point on the certain issue. If you are looking for help with writing the essay, the following information would be rather helpful for you. If you need your essay to be typed, contact our service.

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Love-transfer, even partial transfer is not the mature love that was mentioned at the beginning of the essay. It is still very narcissistic but a person replaces him/herself with someone else. Here, all the problems associated with this type of love come.
Let me describe these problems briefly:

1. Jealousy, the need for control.
A person who loves with such type of love feels fear of losing the control. It's just like if our body went out sometimes to walk somewhere without us, and we would not know what is happening there with our hands, feet, head. It wouldn’t be comfortable for us, would it?

2. Fear

A person can be terrified by the thought that his/her second self-part (the one who is beloved) is actually capable of betraying him/her. This is a collapse not only of self-esteem but of peace itself as betrayal, in this case, concerns its very basis. There is no separate “me”, my identity is merged with another person, and therefore I am so vulnerable. Similar complexity appears when writing the essays of different kind. There are many slightest nuances one should take into consideration while preparing the essay on a certain topic. To be sure your work meets all the requirements, ask the student essays service for assistance. The online service to check essay offers the assistance in correcting all types of the mistakes. So, if you have your essay written but not sure of the correctness of the spelling, grammar, punctuation, or any other types of mistakes, do not hesitate to contact us. Writing the essay, you sometimes may consider expansion of the text or its reduction. The quick paper rewriting service is all you need in such situation. Sometimes you don’t have the inspiration or are short of time, then the best solution for you is to pay someone to write the paper.

3. Hate

With such love, people are often torn into pieces with the ambivalent feelings. On the one hand, the person genuinely loves and is ready to give his/her life for a loved one. On the other hand, the same person feels strong dislike when he/she notices that he/she is not appreciated. In one minute, a loved one can become a sworn enemy, because he/she denies the value of a person while possessing the enormous power.

4. Humiliation

The feeling of humiliation becomes rather actual, as the estimation of the person is entirely in hands of the lover. Any criticism and dissatisfaction reduce a person to a state of insignificance, drop his/her self-esteem literally into an abyss.

5. Dependence and submission

The pain that threatens at any distance from the object with which the self is merged, in any conflict with him/her, makes it merge with this object more and more, not to transfer part of the libido to it, but to transfer everything, entirely, and increasingly obey it.

6. Finiteness and meaninglessness

When the feeling passes away, without coping with the above points or frightened by them, nothing remains of it. Neither tenderness, nor gratitude, nor friendship. It is only cold contempt and regret that such an unworthy person was appointed at this place and so overrated by me in a state of altered consciousness. To avoid these negative feelings while writing the academic papers, you may ask for help from the best writing company. Writing service takes your papers under control, so you may feel relax and don’t worry about your writings.

Returning to our topic of true love, it is necessary to mention that all the shortcomings cause many people to deny love as useful experience and to regard it as something pathological. Many people, unable to withstand the tests of the transitional stage of love return to egocentrism, to an infantile narcissistic feeling, and decide to love only themselves, and to take the others at a distance. At the same time, they can say that they love, but they do not allow themselves to love in reality. Such people talk a lot about how important is the maintenance of their own borders. Unfortunately, the preservation of the borders returns to a self-centered, egocentric state in which they stay not developing in the right direction.

That is if you compare narcissistic love (to yourself) and love-transfer (when I'm identified with another person), with all the unsightliness, soreness and destructiveness of the second, the second is already the love. Yes, immature, but already love and an attempt to go beyond the boundaries of your ego. Even this kind of love allows the soul to grow, and the person to build up internal reserves.

How does the immature love, love-transference, turn into the mature one?

A mature feeling consists of merging with another being and alienating one's own part. Literally, it is to give a part of one's heart to another, but it is to give as a present, for free, not rent out for a fee on terms. If you do not give part of your heart (that is, do not merge with another) there will be no love, if you do not realize that this gifted part does not belong to you anymore, love will not mature.

Merging + alienating your part = love

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We can say that in the case of immature love, a person lets another person into him/herself, but wants to remain the owner. With a strong dependence, such person is ready to become a slave, to obey. And in the case of mature love, a person gives away part of his/her heart, literally separating it from him/herself, as a living cell doubles during reproduction. Love exactly repeats this biological process on a higher mental level.
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However, in order to be able to make such a gift - a part of yourself and the opportunity to restore your integrity as a living cell, you need to have considerable internal resources. It is necessary to be very stable and full of strength, in order to alienate the real part of yourself and share borders with yourself. Such an approach gives a completely new kind of being and opens up entirely different planes of existence but you need to become a mature person, at first.

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Speaking of love, it is dangerous to alienate your part, while there are not enough internal resources, there is a risk of losing yourself and perishing in the sacrificial fire. Therefore, people who do not find such strength in themselves, it is better to agree that their love is immature yet. It is in the process of development, of growing up. There is jealousy, fear, and even aggression, there is a need for control and normal egoism in it. Agreeing with this, it is much easier to realize and control this state of things, than to deny and hide from yourself, imagining the mature love. It is better not to try something you can not cope with, but to go to it gradually.

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Love-transfer is a normal human love and it becomes more mature itself. When a person grows up and tries to love and respect the beloved at the same time, that is sincerely and selflessly merges with him/her, but at the same time can see him/her as a separate, free soul.

Both should exist together, rhythmically as inhalation and exhalation. Inhale - fusion, exhalation - separation, without exhalation it is impossible to inhale, and without inhalation, it is impossible to exhale. This is the dynamics of true love and its mystery.

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There are some questions for you to understand what kind of love you experience right now. Whether it is a real mature love or just a fad. Try to answer these questions honestly.

  • How do people around you look at your relationship?

Passion: What others think of your "beloved" is a very important test. When you are passionate, it is likely that your parents and many of your friends will not approve of these relationships. One of the dangerous sides of the passion is that you are inclined to idolize another person. You do not see any shortcomings because you are "blinded by love". Your friends try to point out some danger signs, but you ignore them. Your parents warn you, trying to prevent a big mistake, but you do not listen to. Young people sometimes say: "So what? We marry each other, not relatives and friends". You, too, can adhere to such a position, but it's an inexcusable stupidity to disregard the advice of people who love you. Over the years of life, both you and your beloved person have developed a certain circle of friends. We all strive to be like those whom we choose as friends, they become like us. Therefore, your friends are in some ways your "mirror". If you are passionate about someone, friends often do not share these feelings. If they see dangerous signals, you should pay attention to it and listen to their opinion.

True love: When you really love, there are more chances that your parents and most friends will approve your choice. God will bless your marriage, it is very important that your parents agree and approve.

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  • How does parting affect your relationships?

Passion: One of the best tests for feeling is the test by distance. If you are just keen, time and distance will kill your feelings. This explains the breakdowns of those couples whose main interest was the physical attraction. Over time, another living person, who is nearby, will replace a loved one who has remained only in the photo.

True love: When you really love, the absence of a loved one only exacerbates your feelings. True love will surely stand the test of distance and time. It is based not only on the physical attractiveness of a person, it takes it entirely as a person. The time spent together helps you to "grow together". Therefore, when you are separated, you seem to lose your part. Another person, even very attractive one, can not fill the void in your heart. Being at a distance, you, of course, can experience anxiety and sadness. You will be disturbed by the thought: "What if he (or she) meets someone else?" And this can happen. But if your loved one is able to find happiness with someone else, it is better to find out about this before, and not after the marriage. Therefore, if you are going to part, reconcile with this and do not worry. If your feeling is just an interest, and it will not withstand such a test, it's better to find it out until it's too late. But is never late to choose the best writing service. Even if you are worried about the coming deadline, the best solution is to contact, as our support team work 24/7. In case, you need your task to be performed in the shortest time, our company is ready to help and provide the professionally written work in just few hours. To get acquainted with the number of our services, address our page.

  •  How do the quarrels affect your feelings?

Passion: When you are passionate, you often quarrel. You can make peace, but over time quarrels become more frequent and serious. You become like two porcupines in the frosty weather. When they are apart, they are shivering from the cold, but as only they cuddle together, they prick each other with their needles. "Phil and Alice have been the couple for more than two years, during that time they quarreled and reconciled at least once a month, and the riots arose from any trifle or imaginary resentment". Both played out a terrible jealousy, and then Maria, Alisa's best friend, tried to open them the truth. One day Alice shared the details of the last quarrel and threatened: "Let him just try to get me back! I will not even talk to him!"

-" I think you will, Alice, Maria said softly,” But I hope that you will firmly say to him: "Goodbye, Phil, it's over". And then she explained her position to a surprised friend: "You both wake up the worst in each other, you quarrel because you have nothing more to talk about". Discord, tears and romantic "reconciliation" only save you from the boredom.

True Love: When you really love, you can have disagreements, but true love is experiencing them, and quarrels become less frequent and serious. Each couple must learn to settle conflicts. It is much better to discuss the differences openly and honestly than letting them smolder in the depths of your soul.

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  • How do you treat your relationship?

Passion: When you are passionate, you tend to think of yourself and your beloved person as two people, and accordingly use in your thoughts and speeches pronouns: "I", "me", "mine", "he", "his", or "she", "her". You think of you as two separate individuals.

True love: When you really love, you usually use the words: "we", "our", "us". You think of you as one. This key does not seem to be so important, as long as you only meet, but it is of great importance in marriage. When a marriage is based on passion, a husband and wife can find more pleasure in pursuing different interests than in a joint activity. A husband can aspire and want to "walk with friends" more than spending time at home with his family. Or the wife will become more interested in her connections in the society than in her domestic duties. In families where there is true love, it is a pleasure for husband and wife to do anything together. The frequent answer is: "I do not want to go, if you can not go too".

  •  Are you selfish or unselfish?

Passion: When you are passionate, your interest in another person is basically selfish. A guy can meet a beautiful girl, just because it flatters his vanity, raises his prestige. She can be capricious and spoiled, but since she is the "queen" of the school, he becomes the "king" next to her. Similarly, a girl can “keep” a guy not because she is really interested in him, but because his devotion raises her price in the eyes of others.

Real love: When you really love, you like a person for what he/she is, and not because he/she can help you assert yourself.

  • What is the basis for your feelings?

Passion: Is it your goal to find someone who will devote his/her whole life to making you happy? Do you care first and foremost about yourself? If so, then you are just passionate about her/him. Your common attitude is selfish - you care most about what you can get from these relationships. 

True Love: Love is unselfish and devoted. You strive to do everything possible to bring joy to another. You are primarily interested in what you can give, not get. 

Evaluate your feelings. Take a piece of paper and carefully study the questions. Give each of them an assessment of your feelings. If you want, the answers can show not only whether your love is real and mature, but also a certain degree of your feeling. In most cases, the answers show a mixture of passion and true love. Therefore, evaluate each answer on a ten-point scale. Zero will mean passion, and 10 will mean love. If you examine the first question, you will see that about half of friends approve of your choice, and half is not, in that case, put yourself five points. When you evaluate yourself on all the questions, sum up your points. A total score of 25 points or more shows that your feelings are quite reliable. For your part, you can think that your love can be the basis for a successful marriage. But it's only on your part.

The person you love must also pass this test and score a large number of points. Love must be mutual. No matter how much you love this person, one-sided love will not help. He/she should feel the same feelings in return. If you scored between 25 and 50 points, you will need more time to see how your relationship will develop. If you score less than 25, you're just passionate about it. So try not to keep your heart wide open for everybody. First of all, do not complicate the relationship with sexual intimacy and do not hurry with marriage.

Note also the following: A high result in this test does not necessarily mean that you are ready for marriage. Firstly, you may be too young for marriage, even if you scored a lot. Secondly, even if you have a suitable age, you can just not know each other well. As we said, you need to know each other well for at least two years before thinking about marriage.

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